I do want to keep this as short as possible but to get my point across……I could possibly write a book at this stage but hoping to have lots more chats about this in the future with other Step Parents. I am writing this as a step Mother but I know this can also affect Step Fathers too.
People sometimes say oh being a step mum must be great, kids only at the weekend…weekend parents woohoo!
Far from it….. Being a stepmother is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do and I have learnt a lot over the years and I’m still learning . It can be so difficult at times because as much as you are their stepmother you will never be their mother which ultimately means you are always asking permission for something. You have to roll with the punches and really think before you speak.
Sometimes I find it so easy but there are some days it is so hard. I currently have such a headache from all the crying I have done today. It has definitely been a tough day, not because of the children but because of the adults involved.
When you fall in love with somebody You generally think that you will have children with that person & live happily ever after like in the fairy tale stories. The dream, is not to fall in love with somebody who already has children and then become a step mother but As they say, you can’t help who you fall in love with so you are willing to take on board whatever comes with them.
From a very young age I always wanted children, I started babysitting at 12 and I just loved minding children and the feeling of that mother role. I presumed I would fall in love and have children with that man and live happily ever after but as I have learnt over my life, things dont always happen the way you think they will or the way they tell it in the fairy tale books.
At the beginning there were so many different emotions…..to be honest at the beginning I thought it would be easy because I didn’t think about how I would actually feel, being a step mother for the rest of my life and not a biological mother. It’s very different, I love the kids but it’s just not the same type of love, if they were my own children. I have the best relationship with them but it really has been such a learning curve to figure out my role and to be honest it can still be hard for me and I am sure in the future as they get older things will change again. It really is always changing. As the kids get older I think my role keeps changing as well.
I wanted to talk about this because people think Ah its easy and sure we only have them at the weekends and extra on holidays but for sure, It’s not easy at all. It’s an emotional roller coaster and having 4 guardians to the children, is actually the hardest part of it all.
I dont really want to talk much about the adults involved but it is so tough and by far the hardest part of being with someone who has children. Not only are you taking on children but you are also taking on a man who has a massive relationship with another woman whether it’s a good or bad relationship there is still another woman who is sometimes involved in some of our decision making and planning.
On the other hand, the kids have always been so good to be honest. We have never had any major issues. I’ve known Abi since she was 2 and a half and Liam since he was 5 and we have brought them on holidays and dinner etc and they honestly have always been the best behaving children. We’ve never had any major rows or arguments at all and they have never said to me the dreaded words….YOU’RE NOT MY REAL MUM! I’ve always been treated with respect so I have to say I do have the best stepchildren ever. 🙂 Of course they drive us mad and annoy us at times but in general they are pretty cool and I learn from them everyday.
I would love to hear from other Step Mothers & Step Fathers because I don’t think we speak about it enough and we dont talk about how hard it actually is, especially emotionally. I’m thinking about starting a podcast because there are so many things Id love to chat about and basically get of my chest and see am I just crazy or do other people feel the same but I’ll keep you posted on that.
Talk soon & Hope you all had a lovely Easter.
Lots of Love
I started this blog just to write. Write what I wanted to say and keep an account so I can go back and read it when I'm grey and old. :-)
Grew up in the music industry and lived it for years. Music will always be in my life.
Lover of food, fashion and music. Cruelty Free. Vegetarian. Vegan. Plant based.
Fibromyalgia, Endometriosis, IBS
It is my Diary. Real life and day to day events. x
Also check out my YouTube Channel- Marie-Ann Hughes