When you are younger you never think of living life with pain.
You haven’t a care in the world. Most of your worries are who you are friends with or doing home work or what you are going to wear to the next disco….never in my wildest dreams did I think…oh shit…. how am I going to live with body pain!
A pain that is not viable or curable… So explaining to people and doctors is a tough one as most of them think your mad or attention seeking.
As I sit here in my boyfriends sitting room, another night of not been able to sleep due to my active night mind and a new arm pain which I have developed over the past 3 months, I tend to feel pretty sorry for myself. Another night of not been able to sleep. Another new body pain. Why?
This month so far has already been one of the toughest months for me…….To cut a VERY long story short, I moved into a new apartment in September and from the first week of staying there its all been down hill due to some friendly little/big animals called RATS!!!!! Now I am an animal lover but hell no…between the sound of them scratching the walls at night and the smell from all the rat poo under the kitchen presses and the dead rat in the pipes, i was ready to have a breakdown…Finally only around two weeks ago I went back to the apartment one day and I thought to myself OMG there is no smell anymore and everything was sorted. LOL
So I was working on my laptop that night and what do I hear…..Scratching on the walls…Mr RAT and his family were back! Anyway, the next day I told the landlord I had had enough of it all for the last 3 months nearly and I wanted to leave, which they weren’t happy about! There has been a few phone calls and meetings but basically I am now in the middle of moving…Thank god my boyfriend has a big house! Hopefully months of stress will be over in a few days.
So then last night Davids family were having a family dinner so off we go…the weather was terrible as it has been all over the country and we get to what we thought was a small flood and off we go, thinking it will be no bother but before we know it the car had stopped dead in the middle of what I can only say is a RIVER!!!! Within 3 mins the inside of the car is full of water…up to the seats. Eventually after a little bit of swimming around we got towed out. I have never seen so much water coming out of a car. We’ve been told its probably going to be a write-off! 😦
And then there’s how I am doubting whether i am a good mother to Miss Lizzy or not. I have been traveling with the band so much for the last few months so I found a lovely family that Lizzy stays with when I’m away. They Love her and treat her like their own so that gives me great peace of mind but work is so full on Miss Lizzy is basically with them more then with me. I’m beginning to think she’s not happy with all the comings and goings. I feel like she has become anxious and very needy around me. For the last while I haven’t been able to give her a stable home as Ive been in and out of the apartment due to the rats and then traveling so much with work. Next year for me is going to be even busier so now I’m thinking should the family she stays with adopt her. Should I do that for her. Its not what I want at all but I don’t want to be shipping her from house to house every week. Never giving her a permanent home. But then I think if I give her the best while she is with me so will be happy. Well its something I have to think long and hard about. Ultimately it’s what’s best for Miss Lizzy and my feeling can’t really come into it. 😦 Open to your comments about this…Need all the help I can get.
So with all these things going on and lack of sleep and very bad weather, one tends to feel a bit sorry for themselves!
Then I think, hold on a second. I have a great job. An amazing mental wonderful family. A brilliant man. Crazy friends. A roof if not many roofs over my head! 🙂 Food on the table. Yes things are hard and life likes to throw little shitty things your way but nobody is ill and it can all be sorted out. It will take time but it can be sorted. There is a reason for everything I believe!
Do you know what guys, even writing this all down and talking to you has made me feel a bit better.
Yes my arm is killing me and no I wont sleep anytime soon and yes I need to sort 50 millions things out tomorrow but getting it off my chest has actually made me a little happier. ❤
I know I haven’t written anything in a while but I’ve been a little busy but from now on I’m going to try and post more often as its a little bit of therapy for me and hopefully you guys enjoy reading my waffle.
Only 8 days and 21 hours until Christmas so lets enjoy the rest of this month!